The Day We Disappeared by Lucy Robinson

Author:Lucy Robinson [Robinson, Lucy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-11-19T17:33:59+00:00

Chapter Fifteen

KATE

The next day I drove up the M5 for the final time. I needed

to apologize, several million times over, and then I needed

to offer to walk out of Mark’s life.

‘You are a stinker,’ I shouted at myself as I drove. ‘A rotten, stinking, putrid old boil, Kate Brady. You’re a bastard and a tinker and a feck. You screamed at a man suffering

major trauma! You suck! I hate you!’

It was amazing how quickly I’d stopped shouting at

Mark and started shouting at myself. I’d been at it for

eighteen hours now.

I didn’t know the hard facts of Mark’s mental health at

the moment because, obviously, it was not something he

was keen to discuss with me. But I didn’t need to steal his

medical notes to know he’d be suffering posttraumatic

stress disorder. To have survived being crushed by a halftonne horse going at thirty miles per hour, being airlifted to hospital, then spending a combined total of thirtyfive

hours in surgery with out suffering major psychological

trauma, Mark would have had to be a nonhuman life

form. Especially since his wife had chosen that moment

to leave him, taking his child, his horses and his sole source

of income.

‘The man has nightmares and flashbacks and he’s in

217

pain all the time. He can hardly move and he has to shit

into a pot with a nurse there. And look what you went and

said to him,’ I continued, as I came off the motorway at

Filton. ‘Gah!’

‘Hiya, love,’ said the nurse at the station, when I slunk

in fifteen minutes later.

‘Hi, Jean,’ I said. Until now, I’d not even had the manners to check her name badge. God, I was loathsome.

‘He’s in there,’ she told me, as if to say, ‘Batten down

the hatches!’

‘I hate myself,’ I told her. Jean just smiled.

‘Hi,’ I said, sliding into Mark’s cubicle. My voice was barely

audible.

Mark’s eyes slid over me, then away again.

‘Um, how are you?’ I tried.

‘Okay.’

‘God, Mark,’ I whispered. Tears welled in my eyes

before I had a chance to stop them. ‘I can’t believe I said

what I said. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.

I am so incredibly sorry.’

Mark’s eyes came back to me.

‘I don’t think you’re undignified or ungrateful. I think you

have the kind of courage that people write about in novels,

and the kind of patience that only saints should be allowed.’

Mark closed his eyes.

‘I’m sorry, Mark. I was suffering from the delusion that

you needed to hear that stuff, but I was wrong. You have

every right to be sad and angry and frustrated. I think

you’re one of the bravest and nicest people I’ve ever met,

and you have no idea how much you’ve done for me, let218

ting me stay at your yard. You are my hero. You’ve saved

my life. And to think that that’s how I repaid you.’

I started to cry.

‘I’m so bloody ashamed. I won’t come here again. I’ll

stay at the yard and look after Stumpy, and when you’re

ready to come home I’ll have gone. I’m sorry, Mark Waverley. I’m so sorry. You’re one of the best men I’ve ever met.’

I turned to leave.

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